Sessile days, sick days, fog and forgotten. Time bending; showing its nature. Loss loss loss loss loss. Disobedient bodies, archives, clocks and capital. Science fiction is not pretend; everyday a buffet of horror, a smorgasbord of unearthly delights. Loneliness, promise, desire and fertile ground. Bodies fallible and flailing under the weight of the end of the world. Sometimes there is hope but sometimes there is only a logbook; a pathetic record keeping. The accompanying video and website, a digital tomb. Articles half-read. Notes made in moments between waking and sleeping. Holding despair in one hand and a remote in the other. “Where is the mother now?” asks the voice. The water is burning, the money-machine is number-crunching, excrement pools in the waste-lands of factory overflow. Nobody is coming with milk and cookies. Complicit and raging, there is no higher ground.

Single channel video, 5m59s.

Artist: RA Walden (rawalden.com)

Text Editor: LA Warman (instagram.com/warmanschool)

Interactive website in collaboration with Cooper Lovano (cooperlovano.com)

a commission by hau hebbel am ufer

Supported by Fonds Darstellende Künste with funds from the Federal Government Commissioner for Culture and the Media.

Audio description: PingPongTranslation on behalf of HAU Hebbel am Ufer.

Script AD: Janna Düringer/Martina Reuter.

Speakers: Martina Reuter/Joanna Lemonnier

Blind Editing: Dr. Roland Zimmermann.

Sign language: handgold on behalf of HAU Hebbel am Ufer.

German Sign Language: Hatice Yildirim Dähne, British Sign Language: Robert Adam.

German Subtitles: Carolin Seidl (PANTHEA)

Translation Image Description: Sven Scheer

Research credits:

Links:

Talia A Lewis: Ableism Definition 2021: https://www.talilalewis.com/blog/january-2021-working-definition-of-ableism

CA CONRAD ‘coping skills lost in the flood’: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/56486/coping-skills-lost-in-the-flood

Queer Theory Reading Group: https://www.instagram.com/realtalkqtrg/?hl=en

The Brother’s Sick: https://www.ezrabenus.com/brothers-sick.html

Felix Gonzalez-Torres "Untitled" (Perfect Lovers): https://www.moma.org/collection/works/81074

Heater Bloc: https://twitter.com/HeaterBloc

Carolyn Lazard: The World Is Unknown: https://www.canopycanopycanopy.com/contents/the-world-is-unknown

Half Assed Disabled Prepper Tips for Preparing for a Coronavirus Quarantine by Leah Piepzna-Samarasinha: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rIdpKgXeBHbmM3KpB5NfjEBue8YN1MbXhQ7zTOLmSyo/mobilebasic?utm_source=Week+of+March+16&utm_campaign=Highlander+VFTH+March+2020&utm_medium=emai

Beatrice Adler-Bolton: On Marta Russell’s Money Model of Disability: https://blindarchive.substack.com/p/marta-russell-money-model-of-disability

Mary Maggic: Open Source Oestrogen Workshop and other projects.

Indigenous Anarchist Federation (Federación Anarquista Indígena): https://iaf-fai.org/2021/01/19/basic-wilderness-fieldcraft/

PMS: building toward an autonomous trans healthcare: https://pms.hotglue.me/?resources

Suicide hotline shares data with for-profit spinoff, raising ethical questions: https://www.politico.com/news/2022/01/28/suicide-hotline-silicon-valley-privacy-debates-00002617

Jane Shi: "immunocompromised people are worth protecting" stickers: https://pipagaopoetry.bigcartel.com/products

Daniel Johnston: true love will find you in the end: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ma7lyfYzIw8&ab_channel=VerasFawaz

@Invalid_Art: https://www.instagram.com/invalid__art/?hl=en

@aborteddreams: https://www.instagram.com/aborteddreams/

LA Spoonie Collective: https://twitter.com/LaSpoonies?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

Imani Barbarin: https://twitter.com/Imani_Barbarin/status/1493972974759727108

Danilo Machado: lately what’s returning has been nausea: https://www.poetryproject.org/publications/the-recluse/issue-18/danilo-machado

Books:

A World of Many Worlds: Marisol de la Cadena (Editor), Mario Blaser (Editor): https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/38396134-a-world-of-many-worlds?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=sqicCKGf9u&rank=1

No Archive Will Restore You: Julietta Singh: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/42749519-no-archive-will-restore-you?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=mqnHkcY2tO&rank=1

And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic: Randy Shilts: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28212.And_the_Band_Played_On?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=zMrTq0EL3h&rank=1

Deaf Republic: Ilya Kaminsky: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40121980-deaf-republic?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=4tz84KM679&rank=1

Infect your friends and loved ones: Torrey Peters: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31668044-infect-your-friends-and-loved-ones

Females: Andrea Long Chu: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43517944-females?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=Z0dUQwZL3m&rank=1

Close to the Knives: A Memoir of Disintegration: David Wojnarowicz: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/89213.Close_to_the_Knives?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=C7V3eJGVfN&rank=1

Staying with the Trouble: Making Kin in the Chthulucene (Experimental Futures): Donna J. Haraway: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28369185-staying-with-the-trouble?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=HfKM9CWCeJ&rank=1

The Fifth Season (The Broken Earth #1): N.K. Jemisin: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/19161852-the-fifth-season?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=Kn5XCcvrol&rank=1

The Wind's Twelve Quarters, Volume 1: Ursula K. Le Guin: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1735459.The_Wind_s_Twelve_Quarters_Volume_1?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=IppbLRy40H&rank=1

Parable of the Sower (Earthseed #1): Octavia E. Butler: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52397.Parable_of_the_Sower?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=Y4V3PqNCDs&rank=1

Whore Foods: LA Warman: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44061521-whore-foods?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=XBcpx7mkfW&rank=2

Carceral Capitalism: Jackie Wang: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/34551009-carceral-capitalism

Metabolize, if Able: Clay AD: https://arcadiamissa.com/product/metabolize-if-able/#:~:text=Metabolize%2C%20If%20Able%20is%20a,and%20death%2C%20sickness%20and%20wealth./p>

Gathering Moss: A Natural and Cultural History of Mosses: Robin Wall Kimmerer: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/87040.Gathering_Moss?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=4LFqZWAAT2&rank=1

Podcasts:

Irresistable: https://irresistible.org/

are you for sale podcast: https://www.areyouforsalepodcast.com/

Live Like The World Is Dying: https://www.liveliketheworldisdying.com/

How to Survive the End of the World: https://www.endoftheworldshow.org/

Be Antiracist with Ibram X. Kendi: https://www.pushkin.fm/show/be-antiracist-ibram-kendi/

Ologies: https://www.alieward.com/ologies

PDFs

heater bloc’s guide to building a tent-safe copper coil alcohol heater: https://www.sciencefictionisnotpretend.net/media/pages/stanzas/3/efc9c43f6e-1644948276/heater-bloc-s-guide-to-building-a-copper-coil-alcohol-heater-2021.pdf

a journal of lesbian gay studies: volume 21, 23 june 2015: http://www.realtalkqtrg.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/glq-a-journal-of-lesbian-gay-studies-glq-a-journal-of-lesbian-and-gay-studies-volume-21-numbers-23-june-2015-queer-inhumanisms-1.pdf

coping skills lost in the flood by ca conrad: https://www.sciencefictionisnotpretend.net/media/pages/stanzas/7/6fcd971afb-1645180413/ca-conrad.pdf

my words to victor frankenstein above the village of chamounix, performing transgender rage by susan stryker: https://www.sciencefictionisnotpretend.net/media/pages/stanzas/14/911469fe54-1645190287/frankenstein.pdf

10 principles of disability justice from sins invalid: https://www.sciencefictionisnotpretend.net/media/pages/stanzas/16/93c4076d73-1645191404/dj.pdf

fucking pansies: queer poetics, plant reproduction, plant poetics, queer reproduction by caspar heinemann: https://www.academia.edu/32408905/FUCKING_PANSIES_Queer_Poetics_Plant_Reproduction_Plant_Poetics_Queer_Reproduction

forced sterilization of disabled people in the united states: 2021 report from the national women's law center: https://www.sciencefictionisnotpretend.net/media/pages/stanzas/26/01ca04ac6a-1645278748/f.nwlc_sterilizationreport_2021.pdf

this compost: erotics of rot: Elvia Wilk Granta: https://www.sciencefictionisnotpretend.net/media/pages/stanzas/30/6a36b9bb76-1645281328/this-compost-erotics-of-rot-elvia-wilk-granta.pdf

Acknowledgements

RA thanks:

Everyone credited above, as well as Cooper Lovano, LA Warman, Anna Krauß, Sarah Reimann, Ricardo Carmona and everyone else who helped with this project at HAU, Frances Breden, Abi Palmer, Saar Shemesh, Clay AD, Harley Aussoleil, Aleksander Peksena, Lapelos, Alx Velozo, Billy Mason Wood, Crip Hive Mind.

Coopi thanks:

pom, the friendly team at HAU including Anna Krauß and Sarah Reimann, frani, Lukas Eigler-Harding, rahul schinde, Sonja Broda from Kirby and the Kirby CMS team, the developers of the libraries I have used on the site including Gauthier Staehler and the Flickity team.